The Mads Vs Estate Agents.

When Chaos-man and I were looking for somewhere to live, we decided to involve the boys from the off so they would feel included, and understand that the new house would be their home too. This meant we dragged the poor things around several million houses in our chosen area one freezing Saturday.

Viewing rental properties can be a grim task, and we saw some right heaps that day. One house, now famously known as "the mouldy cracked house" had a two inch wide crack running round the external walls, had a thin coating of dusty green mould all over the kitchen, had an amazing array of crappy furniture, including inexplicably, three fridges, and blood splatters up the end of one of the divan beds. Thankfully the boys didn't notice that. To be fair the guy who showed us this house had the decency to be embarrassed about the state of it.

Kids are brutally honest and can cut through the bullshit spouted by estate agents like a knife through a marshmallow.

"LOOK! You can see outside!" (through the cracked walls). And in another house "UGHH! The bathrooms sicky mouldy green!""I think you'll find it's called avocado" muttered the estate agent.

OK so hauling two highly excitable boys around empty houses is asking for trouble, and yes, tempers were frayed (mine) and parties involved may have been a little snappy (me) and someone didn't really make faces behind my back after one particularly fraught exchange (Him), and at one point the boys had to be spoken firmly to as their energy and noise levels were a tad difficult to cope with.

However, the last house we visited ("just one more honest"), took the biscuit. As we drew up we knew we'd not like it, and even more, the agent waiting for us outside was the epitome of estate agent stereotype. Slick, smarmy, barely old enough to drive, and looked like he was playing dress-up in his dads cheap suit. By this time we'd all had enough and one of us (I can't remember who, I blame Him) turned to the boys and said "You know how we told you to be quiet and behave, in this house you can make as much noise as you like, and run around as much as you want." I know. Wrong and irresponsible. Naughty people.

They did us proud. On coming up the drive they both loudly declared "Urrrghh!!! It smells of PIGS!" It did as well. The agent was as slick and smarmy as he looked and over an incredible background of shrieking children chasing each other, Chaos-man and I had fun talking about the thickness of the walls "for his steel band practice", and where we would put "all his other kids" when they visited.

Fantastic fun.

NB. Himself doesn't have a steel band, although I am sure he'd love to try bashing at them, and as far as I or he know, he doesn't have any other children. We also have a lovely new house which we, and the boys are really happy with.